Do you have a niggling knowingness in the back of your mind screaming desperately for change? Are you frustrated and tired of falling into the same old patterns day in, day out? Do you talk to yourself worse that you would speak to a loved one or a stranger? Have you ever wondered why you can’t seem to get out of that rut?
I spent so much of my life comparing myself to others and only seeing my flaws (well what I thought were flaws at the time), speaking to myself like shit and leading a life of self sabotage and debauchery because I didn’t believe enough in myself to make positive changes or think I was worthy of having a happy and fulfilled life. I thought that would never happen for me, it just wasn’t in the cards.
Let me paint a picture for you from my life experience before I get to the good stuff… I was diagnosed with depression as a teenager and told by several doctors that I had a hereditary disease in my brain that would never get better and that I would need to be medicated my for the rest of my life. This wasn’t good enough for me. There came a point where I said that there had to be another way so I started looking. I began digging for answers and researching into mental health and alternatives to support a healthy lifestyle and mindset and took a good hard look at how I was living my life and the way I was treating myself (and especially talking to myself) and decided to make a change, a big one – I decided to go on a journey of self discovery and learn to accept the person I am. The best decision I’ve ever made. For no amount of drugs can cure you if you live a life of self hatred and self harm. I just decided that accepting the diagnosis’ I was given wasn’t going to be the end for me. Don’t get me wrong, if you need help get it, if you aren’t feeling well by all means reach out to a professional, all I’m saying is learn how to look after yourself too.
I felt helpless and trapped, like I could never achieve anything in my life because no matter what I did it was just a matter of time until I would fall back into the black hole. I believed that I would never be ok or be able to live a normal life and I absolutely hated myself to the core. I would look in the mirror every day with disgust, self pity and hatred and all I saw was ugliness. I told myself I was hopeless and pathetic and truly thought I was a waste of space on this earth. I was a loser, not worthy of anyone’s love and that I would never be good enough (whatever the f*ck that means?).
How can anyone ever move forward or grow if they tell themselves this nonsense from the time they wake up until they sleep at night? It takes unbelievable strength to push through the day when your mind monkey is shitting all over you at every waking moment.
I still don’t understand how we can be sent to school and taught all the wonderful subjects such as PE, history, geography, music, drama, languages, design and technology, hospitality etc etc and not be taught the basics of emotional intelligence that is absolutely vital to our functioning as humans on the most basic level. Isn’t it about high time that we had a good hard look at how we are educating our youth and raising our children? That’s a rant for another day though, and before we do that we must educate ourselves. We MUST learn to love ourselves and understand our bodies and how they work.
I came across this amazing article How to Shift Negative Thought Patterns that resonated with me so much and is packed with life changing info! Stuff I have been slowly learning about for years now all smushed into one blob of awesomeness. Negative thought patterns are programmed into our subconscious from a very young age and how we are conditioned by our environment and experiences in those early years basically creates the content for the mind movies we play in our heads when we aren’t fully present in the moment and are constantly playing like a TV in the back ground of our precious minds flickering feelings and phrases of fear.
The good news is that we can change that crap channel on that plasma and rewrite the script to begin a new season of the series that is us! And everything you need, all the resources required are already inside every single one of us. I’m almost bursting out of my skin writing this because for such a long time I never thought there was any hope. I now know very different and have realised that coming gently from a space of love rather than fear-filled resistance is the key to switching the style up on the way we perceive the world and looking through a different lens. An illuminated one with bright beautiful colours.
Some other resources you can utilise are at the tip of your fingers, it’s just knowing where to look and start. I never thought I could finish reading a book until I tried it. I wasn’t a reader at all. Now I can’t get enough of the bloody things. The book that changed my life was A New Earth by Echart Tolle. Very “new agey” and spiritual which I took to like a duck to water and haven’t looked back since. I feel every human on the planet could learn something from that book but you have to be ready to read it, work through it a few pages at a time and allow it to absorb. There are all sorts of motivational and inspiring literature out there. Audio books are awesome if you don’t want to attempt to tackle a book head on. It doesn’t matter how you get there, it only matters that you do. YouTube rocks for guided meditations, TED talks, motivational videos, inspiring shiznit and so on and so forth. You get the drift.
There are loads of topics to research in the ways of personal development and retraining your brain. Neuroplasticity is a freakin fabulous word to google the hell out of. Emotional Intelligence (EI) is another. People like Dr Joe Dispenza, Dr Kelly Brogan, Dr Bruce Lipton and my main man Tony Robbins are pioneers in their industries and extremely conscious humans that I have obtained priceless and life changing information and inspiration from. Once you start looking and open yourself up to accepting and attracting positivity your entire world will change. You will be drawn to the right information that leads you to the path that only you are meant to walk. All it takes is that mental decision to want something more for yourself.
If you are feeling stuck, sick of watching reruns of the old episodes in your life and any of this rings true or strikes a chord it’s time to turn a new leaf on life and build yourself a bigger and better future because trust me, it’s not worth wasting years of your life having the shits at yourself for never giving your life a real go.
You have the most powerful piece of equipment sitting up there in your big noggin and it is yours to control and command as you please. So don't waste another minute thinking you are anything less than extraordinary and start creating your life rather than allowing life to shape and create you.